Wednesday, January 30, 2013

prose & cons

I have decided to begin this post with a capital letter, unlike any post that has come before this. To mark an unwavering bias toward punctuation, grammar, & correctly phrased prose; would be to go against my blogging days as we know it. However, on much more relevant ground I want to mark the beginning of something knew, and while it does ring in the presence of 'correctness', it also attempts to end my personal battle with a place I so commonly refer to as struggle st.

I refer to this struggle st. on the daily. Err day, it would seem that I sit somewhere on the scale of one to struggle. Where my very existence is greeted with an appalling amount of chaotic clumsiness; an unavoidable, indescribable, somewhat comical struggle to perform many of life's most simple tasks.

I imagine now is the point that having a boyfriend would totally come in handy; blaming them for 'moving your shit, not waking you up, & using it last' would all be very easy terms on which to shift the clums/responsibilit/y. However, as I do not, the finger points to me.

My unwavering ability to lose things, break things, smash things, wash things incorrectly, stain things, shrink things, dent things, crash things, spill things, mark things, drop things repetitively, oh & not to forget (ironically) forget things. Where I sit victim here, is that my 'ability' to struggle on a daily basis has left me with a mounting pile of mishaps. The longevity of the struggle has far outweighed any comical value.

I often wonder, about those people who breeze through life with such grace, cleanliness & organization. He'd fly through the air with the greatest of ease,: That daring young man on the flying trapeze. Do you actually exist & what is your secret &  do you still look lovely when you sleep ?

Orr, may I speculate. Are you all just a bunch of blubbering messes, much like myself, who just package themselves well, like a new release mac-book-pro, or in my case 'toshiba'.

oh. my. gosh. I'm a Toshiba in a Mac box. 

Moreover, I have learnt to manage my struggle. Where by the flaws in my plan or there lack of, have become my charm, or cleverly disguised amongst my charm. Pinning, prodding, dodging, bluffing, fluffing, last minute shoving, have all become integral survival techniques I have had to addopt in order to get through my day.

In hindsight, I know it's kept me humble & given me a lightness & ability to never sweat the small stuff.  But it breaks my heart a little to admit the bottom line & see where I've come to fall short. Which is where, in a round about way, literally, we come back to the declaration part of the post;

I hereby swear that the integrity behind my word today is
- to become enriched in a terrible amount of knowledge & procedure. Oh how boring Maleika!
- to be technically steeped in everything that I do. SIGH.

BECAUSE it seams that where I lack in knowledge, may very well be where I begin to come undone.

M x

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